I stopped going to church about 2 years ago. I became a church member when I was 22 year-old and I thought of the church as my family. I loved church and it was a great sorce of learning and love. I was able to accomplish things that I htought were impossible for me. However, over a 6 year process, I started to find that my spirit felt heavy every time I attended a service. I knew that it was not the churches fault but I did not know what to do about it.
I thought that a short break might help, but I felt so much relief when I left I did not know when I should make my reentry. Instead I tried to find a new church that both me and my honey felt comfortable in. He found a church that he loved and I really enjoyed the service so we tried to make it home. It never become home for me, but soon felt like another burden. Finally, to my husband disappointment, I stop attending church all together. This time I felt no stress release, instead an the feeling become an unarticulated desire that left my soul feeling starved. I tried new Christian books, prayers, fasting and nothing seemed to work. I gave up for awhile and blamed it on the stress that I was experiencing at the time.
One restless night I went downstairs to sit in the dark alone. Instead of sitting I found myself kneeling and crying. Not the cute silent cry but the ugly loud cry that I thought would wake everyone up. With tears and persistence I cried out to God to help me find the thing that was missing in my spiritual life. I confessed to Him that I had no idea what it could be so I needed Him to make it easy for me to understand. Also I knew that I was very discouraged so I asked Him to help me stay motivated to follow his guidance. After what seemed like an hour of tearful prayers I felt calm and peaceful. When I feel down and out I have no problem asking God to baby me until I get stronger.
Later that day I watched Oprah and she revealed the next book club selection, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I knew nothing about the book and assumed it was some brillant but complicated work of literature; why else would she provide free online classes for a book club? Although I'd never participated in Oprah's book club but knew I would this time. Later that night I had the book and read it with the anticipation of having my light bulb moment. By Chapter 2 I realized that A New Earth was my answered prayer. Not the book itself but the concept of awareness and the damaging effects of identifying with the ego.
I now understand that it is imporant to meditate and add awarness to your daily life. Since I don't have a spiritual guru handy I look for ways to learn the basics. One day I visted a blog called Country Contemplative and I came upon this presentation byJohn Kabat-Zinn. Just to warn you the video is 1 hour and 12 minute long presentation. If you are interested in mindfulness and meditation I think it is a great begining.
One restless night I went downstairs to sit in the dark alone. Instead of sitting I found myself kneeling and crying. Not the cute silent cry but the ugly loud cry that I thought would wake everyone up. With tears and persistence I cried out to God to help me find the thing that was missing in my spiritual life. I confessed to Him that I had no idea what it could be so I needed Him to make it easy for me to understand. Also I knew that I was very discouraged so I asked Him to help me stay motivated to follow his guidance. After what seemed like an hour of tearful prayers I felt calm and peaceful. When I feel down and out I have no problem asking God to baby me until I get stronger.
Later that day I watched Oprah and she revealed the next book club selection, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I knew nothing about the book and assumed it was some brillant but complicated work of literature; why else would she provide free online classes for a book club? Although I'd never participated in Oprah's book club but knew I would this time. Later that night I had the book and read it with the anticipation of having my light bulb moment. By Chapter 2 I realized that A New Earth was my answered prayer. Not the book itself but the concept of awareness and the damaging effects of identifying with the ego.
I now understand that it is imporant to meditate and add awarness to your daily life. Since I don't have a spiritual guru handy I look for ways to learn the basics. One day I visted a blog called Country Contemplative and I came upon this presentation byJohn Kabat-Zinn. Just to warn you the video is 1 hour and 12 minute long presentation. If you are interested in mindfulness and meditation I think it is a great begining.
Read A Call to Conscious Evolution to find out more.
2 comments:
You have to read The Shack by William YOung
Thank you. When on Amazon today The Shack came up but I've never heard of it. If you like it has to be good.
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