I stopped going to church about 2 years ago. I became a church member when I was 22 year-old and I thought of the church as my family. I loved church and it was a great sorce of learning and love. I was able to accomplish things that I htought were impossible for me. However, over a 6 year process, I started to find that my spirit felt heavy every time I attended a service. I knew that it was not the churches fault but I did not know what to do about it.
I thought that a short break might help, but I felt so much relief when I left I did not know when I should make my reentry. Instead I tried to find a new church that both me and my honey felt comfortable in. He found a church that he loved and I really enjoyed the service so we tried to make it home. It never become home for me, but soon felt like another burden. Finally, to my husband disappointment, I stop attending church all together. This time I felt no stress release, instead an the feeling become an unarticulated desire that left my soul feeling starved. I tried new Christian books, prayers, fasting and nothing seemed to work. I gave up for awhile and blamed it on the stress that I was experiencing at the time.
One restless night I went downstairs to sit in the dark alone. Instead of sitting I found myself kneeling and crying. Not the cute silent cry but the ugly loud cry that I thought would wake everyone up. With tears and persistence I cried out to God to help me find the thing that was missing in my spiritual life. I confessed to Him that I had no idea what it could be so I needed Him to make it easy for me to understand. Also I knew that I was very discouraged so I asked Him to help me stay motivated to follow his guidance. After what seemed like an hour of tearful prayers I felt calm and peaceful. When I feel down and out I have no problem asking God to baby me until I get stronger.
Later that day I watched Oprah and she revealed the next book club selection, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I knew nothing about the book and assumed it was some brillant but complicated work of literature; why else would she provide free online classes for a book club? Although I'd never participated in Oprah's book club but knew I would this time. Later that night I had the book and read it with the anticipation of having my light bulb moment. By Chapter 2 I realized that A New Earth was my answered prayer. Not the book itself but the concept of awareness and the damaging effects of identifying with the ego.
I now understand that it is imporant to meditate and add awarness to your daily life. Since I don't have a spiritual guru handy I look for ways to learn the basics. One day I visted a blog called Country Contemplative and I came upon this presentation byJohn Kabat-Zinn. Just to warn you the video is 1 hour and 12 minute long presentation. If you are interested in mindfulness and meditation I think it is a great begining.
One restless night I went downstairs to sit in the dark alone. Instead of sitting I found myself kneeling and crying. Not the cute silent cry but the ugly loud cry that I thought would wake everyone up. With tears and persistence I cried out to God to help me find the thing that was missing in my spiritual life. I confessed to Him that I had no idea what it could be so I needed Him to make it easy for me to understand. Also I knew that I was very discouraged so I asked Him to help me stay motivated to follow his guidance. After what seemed like an hour of tearful prayers I felt calm and peaceful. When I feel down and out I have no problem asking God to baby me until I get stronger.
Later that day I watched Oprah and she revealed the next book club selection, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I knew nothing about the book and assumed it was some brillant but complicated work of literature; why else would she provide free online classes for a book club? Although I'd never participated in Oprah's book club but knew I would this time. Later that night I had the book and read it with the anticipation of having my light bulb moment. By Chapter 2 I realized that A New Earth was my answered prayer. Not the book itself but the concept of awareness and the damaging effects of identifying with the ego.
I now understand that it is imporant to meditate and add awarness to your daily life. Since I don't have a spiritual guru handy I look for ways to learn the basics. One day I visted a blog called Country Contemplative and I came upon this presentation byJohn Kabat-Zinn. Just to warn you the video is 1 hour and 12 minute long presentation. If you are interested in mindfulness and meditation I think it is a great begining.
Read A Call to Conscious Evolution to find out more.
